Q: Dear Garden Boss, My neighbors are constantly peeking into my backyard to offer a running commentary on the dismal state of my garden. What can I do to make this stop?
A: There are all kinds of helpful plants out there that will save you heartache and agony.
1) Wisteria will creep into your neighbor’s yard and pull down their house like Samson in the temple, thus forcing your pesky neighbors to move. We now offer the WWE series, which includes “Hulk Hogan” with cute pink flowers and “The Rock,” which likes to creep into the kitchen to smell what YOU’RE cooking!
2) Our trumpet creepers have just come in. Michael Dirr says of these, “Plant these and run.” These vines will eat up anything you turn them loose on, including your neighbors. They are available in red, yellow, orange, yellow-orange, orange-yellow, red-orange, and puce.
Q: Wow, thanks, garden boss!
A: Yeah, no problemo.