I kind of fell off the face of the earth for a while. But I’m trying to crawl back up here and get with the program again.
I don’t have a lot about whys and wherefores, as none of what is afflicting me is huge or significant or makes a big difference in the wide world. And a lot of folks would be saying, “Is that all that’s stopping you?” Well, yes, it is.
I’m having a depressive spell that’s a little different than those I’ve had for a while, and trying to find a way to pull myself out. It’s a kind of grieving I’m doing right now. I hope I don’t have to do this for the rest of my life. I really hate it, and I’m not getting much writing done right now.
Generally I work my way through these spells, and then I’m right as rain again. It takes time. The grieving thing is in part related to my dad, who died in 2011, and part of it is other stuff — a constellation of things. Some of it I’m afraid I’m stuck with for the rest of my life. So I’m trying to work out a way where I keep moving and acting and writing, despite my heart being low.
It’s weird how grief works. How it springs on you out of the blue. How it can drag you down.
I’ve had some blog buddies recently get hit with huge losses, and I’m dismayed at myself for acting, feeling like this when the magnitude of their grief has gone supernova.
I don’t really know where I’m going with this. I feel like I’ve written so much more than I actually have here. You know, I write a million words in my head, but then only a few hundred end up on the page. That’s probably true for all of us.
At any rate, it will take some time but I’m still crawling along.